This last couple of days I've been reorganizing my desk, looking through the books, trying to decide which of my old school books I could part with. While going through them I found my old journals. I went through 8 Journals from the time I was 8 years old to the time I finished my 3rd year of college in 2006. Eight doesn't sound like a lot but when you're eighth journal is about 4 years long, in a 2 inch, 3-ring binder, typed with size 12 font, single spaces with .5" margins, I find that pretty impressive. I just gave myself a pat on the back. Totally deserved.
But I was just thinking, as I read through some of them, how grateful I am that I did that! I know that I was silly and wrote about boys a lot but I also wrote down lessons I learned, testimony strengthening experiences, paradigm shifts in my thinking, secular struggles, social struggles, social triumphs...I am SO glad I did that! And I was a pretty faithful writer those 10, 12 years. I missed some days and weeks but for the most part I was really good at it.
You know, I was just thinking, my Patriarchal blessing mentions having the Spirit of Elija, and having the desire to do family history and to this day I've never thought that I'd acquired it yet. But I realized tonight, that I've had it. I just was doing the other side of it. I was preserving my own memories rather than looking up my past family's. It was a pretty neat realization. So, naturally, I wanted to preserve another memory and write it down :)
The other night I had found my high-school aged writings and a lot of face-palms happened. Lord, I pray my daughter isn't as socially awkward or boy CRAZY as I was. Oh man....heaven help me if she is. Well, hopefully she'll just talk to me and we can laugh and giggle and watch chick flicks together and laugh about being silly :) Anyway....tonight I found the journal from my first term at BYU. My very first college experience was Summer 2003. I was staying in Heritage Halls, the ORIGINAL Heritage Halls. I was in Robinson Hall, apartment #122. (I'd actually written that information down. If not, I'd currently be waiting for my mother to find it...thank you 17 year old self!)
Anyway, I was reading my journal (#7 if you really want to know) and I came across a letter I'd written to my parents that I'd saved. Man...now I'm thankful for a mother who saves all of my correspondences. This letter explained an experience that cemented the fact that life is hard, but life will get better if I depend on the Lord. Here's the letter:
"Hey...I just had a very nice experience up at the bell tower. I was feeling depressed because I thought nobody liked me and my social life was a drag. Anyway, I went to the bell tower and brought my Patriarchal Blessing with me. Its amazing to me the way the Lord knows me better than I do! He said in my blessing that I need to choose my friends wisely. He also said that my trials would strengthen me and help me grow closer to Him. Yes...He was right (like always! My 27 year old self just inserted that in. Please continue...) I love you guys so much! That saying, "You never know what you have until it's gone," was really kicking in tonight. I miss my mom and my dad! I'm really grateful that I have you guys as my parents. You've always been there for me and I always took that for granted. I'm sorry I was such a pain for you guys growing up. Heehee...I can remember some of the stuff I did...You guys are awesome. You're so supportive and helpful. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. I'm sorry I never talked to you as much as I should've. I'm truly blessed. I realized that I've been selfish all of my life and I've taken things for granted that I shouldn't have. Can you think of what my life would've been like if I'd not been born under the covenant? I prayed for like 10 minutes tonight...I think it's the longest I've ever prayed. I said I was sorry for not talking to Him as often as I should have as well. I said thank you to as many things as I could count/name. And there was A LOT. I counted my blessings and there were more than my fingers and toes...I realized tonight that I've never been alone, I've always had Him with me and that no matter what the world thinks, I'm always loved. That song, "I Stand All Amazed" has a completely new meaning for me! Thanks for always being there for me Mom and Dad. I couldn't have done it alone. Thanks Dad for honoring your priesthood, for loving Mom, for setting a good example, for supporting me, for talking with me, for being harsh with me when I was being stupid...Mom, you're my best friend. Thank you for loving me. I know we have had our arguments but I'm glad I'm like you in a lot of ways. You have a bunch of talents and abilities and thank you for sharing them with me. I love you guys soooo much!"
I was 17 when I wrote that.
I need that 17 year old thinking back!
I wrote that letter almost 10 years ago. July 28, 2003. (the feelings about my parents haven't changed either! love you guys!)
I am just so grateful for the experiences that I had when I was younger. And not just at college, my whole life. I'm sure I'll be saying this when I'm 37, 47, 57...you get the idea. But mostly, I'm grateful I wrote these things down. This is why we keep records. This is why we keep journals. This is why the Lord was so adamant about preserving His own words as well as the words of everyone. I wonder if Nephi looked through the records he'd written a couple times and did a couple of face palms. I'm sure he did about his brothers. But I wonder if he did that about himself? :) Based on what he wrote about himself, I highly doubt it but...we're all human...
Reading all my younger age journals has made me want to go through ALL of them. I want to read my big 2 inch 3 ring binder now! I want to read all my missionary journals, which are comprised of my letters to my family, letters to my mission president, my study journals and my actual missionary journal. I love writing about what happens in my life. I need to be better at it. Especially since I can type 80 words a minute I shouldn't really have any excuse not to "write" some things down. As soon as I can put my desk back together, my project Tucson Halls Blog Book Volume 2 will be back on the priority list. I can't lose my love of journaling.
Here's to a renewed love of journaling! Hoorah!! :)
Melony Hall
9:31pm
June 23rd, 2013
(time stamping is something I did in my high school journals! I would sign my entries with my full signature, date it and the time I finished the entry. I did that when I finished the journal too. So cute right? I know...)
